Finals, Finally.

Well, finals are nearly over. Both of them were term papers, leaving me with two extra days of school, as I have finished my papers and am now enjoying the freedom of my room. Essentially, my first term of college is over.

As I have noted before, I became enamored with the whole deal, although it took some time. It is weak, it is useless, yes it is inefficient and stupid, but for the most part that can't ever be helped. I've been writing recently, and have made excellent progress on my most recent novel. Normally, I begin to second guess myself and want to revise after every five pages or so. Right now, I'm at about thirty pages and still going strong. It's an excellent feeling.

I've also been working out a lot recently. Upon returning home for Thanksgiving break, I was angered to discover that my muscles had somehow atrophied, and that I lifted less weight all around the board than when I had left. After working out every day in college. Needless to say, I am pushing myself even farther now. I am reaching my limits. I hurt, it pains me. I still go on. I will do anything not to be ordinary.

Also, I've fallen in love. Not the true kind of love, not yet. I won't kid myself, that kind of thing doesn't happen until after you really come to know the person. In truth, I hardly know her at all. But what I do know, is that she is the most beautiful woman on campus, and therefore my stupid brain won't let me think of anyone else. We share much in common, I think, although I can't be sure yet because I have had almost no chance to actually talk to her. We simply hang out, occasionally. It's not enough. I am never satisfied. Worse, I understand that she isn't planning on dating anytime soon. While this is excellent in that it protects me from competition, it also hurts in that I cannot make myself clear to her. I simply have to go on playing the game. Also, why do I always pick women who are unattainable for some reason or another? No, don't answer that, I know it's probably another hideous character flaw.

I am set to return home in two days. I'm not sure what will happen over break. Part of me tells me that it's time to have fun, relax. Another part of me tells me that that's what I've been doing the entire time at college. While normally resolute, right now I am uncertain. But in the end, I'll work through it. I always do. The real question is what is going to happen to me along the way.