So, I have not updated this blog in quite a long time. After my breakup, I was devastated, and have begun to rethink my life in large portions. As such, I haven't felt like putting my thoughts down here, because they have been jumbled and uncertain. And then, after quite a while, they began to organize themselves, but I could still not motivate myself to care.
I did not last an entire week after breaking up with my girlfriend. I couldn't do it. I truly do love her. It pained me so much to attempt it, but I tried to separate myself from her, knowing that I did not have much time left. It turns out, the time was already past. I love her, purely and truly, as I have never loved anyone else. I am bound to her, for the rest of my life, for better or for worse.
Of course, I talked to her, and I believe that we have reached a proper equilibrium now. We have agreed on an open relationship, because I am certainly not the kind of man to keep his attention on one girl, and I believe that she needs space as well as I. I wish to try and be as open and honest as possible, although it is true that I do not always think of her, and that I sometimes downplay the influence that she has on me.
After the breakup and inevitable return, I accelerated my work. I have finished several short stories, copied down ideas for several more, and the overall quality of my writing has greatly improved. On top of this, I am able to write longer, and become more engrossed in my work. Adversity has helped me, in this case.
As such, this summer has been very productive. I am not sure if I mentioned this before, or if it had even developed by that time, but I have been working two jobs. With this, I have managed to pad my bank account with a lot more starting cash, and I have begun to consider investing. In the early stages of this school year, I hope to open some sort of investment account and begin with some safe stocks. Add this with the general success I've had in writing, the future is looking bright.
Another development has occurred in my all-consuming hobby of World of Warcraft. This Summer, I was introduced to a good guild, and have been raiding with them since, consistently being one of the most effective players in our groups. I learn strategies quickly, put out a lot of dps, and show up to nearly every raid. Yet, at the same time, this experience begins to grow sour. I am not well recognized for my contributions. The rest of the guild is certainly not up to my quality, and it hurts. Worse, it is getting to the point where the game does not entice me as much anymore, simply because it is growing to be too easy. Add with that apathetic guild leaders and some recent drama, and I have begun to play only on raid nights, so as to minimize game time. Perhaps I will quit altogether, although the game still manages to pull me in every once in a while. I plan to play only on raid nights during this school year, so as to minimize the impact this has on my schoolwork as well, but I cannot be sure how that will work out.
Tonight, I watched the VMA's, as it was raid night but another raid fell apart due to inept leadership. I must say, I am concerned by the great amount of pride that people are putting into trashing Kanye West. During the awards, Taylor Swift won the award for best female video, something that Kanye obviously did not agree with. As such, he went up on stage, took the mike from her, and told her so.
Now, within minutes there were perhaps thirty messages all over facebook about what a terrible person he is, with the occasional message to support him as they agreed with him. What I don't understand, is why it has to be so important. People get annoyed by things like this everyday. Perhaps you've been picked last for the team, or a fine woman has chosen another man over you. You disagree with the statement. But you don't say anything, because you don't want to speak up and cause trouble. Sometimes, you become particularly angry, because it's something that you're invested in, and you actually speak out, finally gathering up the courage to admit your disagreement. This is all Kanye did. Since when did this have to become the focus of half the youth of the U.S.?
I am disappointed by how much emotion and drama was caused by such a simple act. Just move on, forget about it. Who cares? Obviously, the youth of this nation does, and this scares me. The world is so preoccupied with such little things, that they can't ever look at the big picture. Truly, I am disgusted.
However, after the VMA's, a documentary about Lil Wayne came on. Within me burned a sudden urge to listen to rap, and I did. I have always appreciated the finest of rap music, because there is something about rap, as a genre, that is soulful and powerful. Stripped away of all its pretensions, and everything that the media has done to it, most rap has been about the barest, most meaningful things in life, and I like that. Listening to the beats now, it strikes me that if I ever write music, it will be rap. It suits me.
The creative power inside me has been awoken by this little event, and I feel infinite. Downloading new tracks to listen to, I feel the essence of the music in my veins. Behind it all, it is simple. There are simply words, drawn from the heart, emotionalized in this lyrical style and this handful of beats. There is something down there, beautiful, and right now, I am trying to find it.