College.

I have arrived in college, and the first week has been nearly exactly what I expected it to be. After a handful of days of orientation, where everyone was far too friendly for their own good, I was immediately dropped into the world of college, which is much more immature than I think anyone gives it credit for.

Of my three classes, only one has had anything to do with its subject, and that is my acting class. My philosophy class is run by a woman who understands very little and encourages everyone else to spout out mindless jargon like it is intelligence. My identity class has had nothing to do with identity, and won't for another two weeks.

College is not what it used to be, at least as I see it. When everyone started going to college as a result of giving soldiers free rides, they essentially cheapened the whole deal. College is not filled with anyone any smarter than the ones you went to grade school, or high school with. Worse, the professors are not necessarily any smarter than these same people. After a whole generation of cheapened college, even our teachers aren't smart enough to really think about these things. As a result, we are encouraged by idiotic teachers to be idiots. I cannot tell you how many times a class has gone on for the entire hour entirely on the bullshit of the one idiot to raise their hand and voice their stupid opinion. I have even seen a kid offer the one smart thing said in my entire ethics class, only to be immediately shotgunned by an over-aggressive and very ugly girl, only for the teacher to back her up by telling them to calm down their argument and forget about it and keep moving on. Essentially, the problem as I see it is that everyone seems to think that everyone in college is smart, and treats their fellow classmates like they are just as smart as them because they made it into the same moderately prestigious small liberal arts college. Everyone is not equal, but college is one place where we really act like it, and it hurts.

The only place that college does succeed is on social terms, where it passes with flying colors. Anyone can make any goddamned club that they please, even if there's only going to be them and their best friends sister in it. Parties are thrown all the time. People are forced to live together. We eat communally, sleep communally, shower communally, and live communally. We breathe communally, and we even think communally. This is amazing. The only problem? We should have learned how to get along a long fucking time before we hit eighteen and got shipped away from our parents. We should have learned how to do this shit in grade school.

I have made a good number of friends since coming here. At first, I wasn't succeeding too well, and I beat myself up in the free time that I spent in my room. It only took one friend, one person to want to do things with me, and it has all blossomed from there. It is surprising, how much it backs up my ideas of social theory. Each and every man and woman needs only one person, one constant to back them up, and they can do wondrous things. For me it was one woman, who managed to get me introduced to so many other friends that I am now set for the whole year. Imagine how many people I'll know net year. Imagine how many I'll know after the whole four years here.

In essence, I've adapted well. That I enjoy. But there is one thing that I do not enjoy, and that is that college is not teaching me a fucking thing. back to the drawing board.

Long absence...

Followed by a prodigious return.

I am taking the blog in a new direction. I do not want this blog to be absolute and utter shit.

Enjoyed reading my blogs? Of course you haven't. I won't lie to myself. No one has bothered to read this blog since my last blog. No one ever bothered to read it. Which is because they were shit.

I started off thinking that I must be angry, that the only way I could express myself was through my anger. But my anger is not unique. My anger is not witty. And after a while, my anger could not even sustain itself.

I did not write any blogs for the longest time, not because I did not want to, but rather because I couldn't find anything to rant about. I am not a bitter and hateful person by default. I don't ever want to be. I don't want anyone to be. And because I am not, I eventually ran out of things to write about. It didn't take very long. It seems that there aren't very many things in my life that I do hate. I don't like to think of myself as an extremely emotional person.

I am taking this blog in a new direction. I am not bitter, I am not hateful. I am simply determined. I wish to be the most famous man in the world, no matter what I have to do, no matter what actions I have to take. I will do anything to prove that I am not simply a zombie, that the herd can go fuck itself and then start following me like dogs.

I am writing this blog, because my life is changing. At this moment, it is a few short days before I move into college and my life takes a complete U-turn. everything I know will be different. I will be living on my own, and fending for myself. It will be the greatest opportunity in my life, the greatest chance that I have to grow above and beyond, and to flourish.

I have spent the past few weeks alone. Every friend of mine began college long before me, and I was left alone in my house, unable to work because the caddying season is over, unable to get a new job because I am shortly relocating, and unable to effectively use the time for writing because I am not yet the man I need to be in order to create the book that I want to create. I have wasted this week, essentially, playing World of Warcraft, and watching television. The only plus side is that I have managed to maintain a good gym schedule, and such have managed to keep in shape.

This week has been even more terrible, in some ways, because the girl I love has chosen another. It was something that I knew was coming, but that I still dreaded and has hurt more than I had planned. When I met her, she made me decide to do what I do now, to want to be important and extraordinary, and yet sadly, she remains as ordinary as can be. Depression hurts, and I know she feels it most of all. From the moment I met her, she chose people to bestow her affections on, not because of true feeling, but because they were capable of suppressing her symptoms. Through her whole life, I think, she has chosen similarly. As a result, she has gone through two boyfriends whom I am sure she felt almost nothing for, and regretted afterwards. Recently, she broke up with one of them, giving me a mild hope that I could earn my way into her life again. Of course, she went away to college, and then chose another man.

This one, of course, is far better than the last one. Of this one, I approve. The only problem is, that if he is better for her, he is worse for me. I try not to think of this. I try to think only of her good. Sometimes it is hard.

Tomorrow, I must begin to pack up, prepare to leave my old life behind. I must prepare to begin anew, to prove my worth as a person, and to begin to pursue the life that I want. It will be difficult, but if it wasn't, then I wouldn't like it anyway.

One day, I will have everything I want. I want to be the most famous man on the Earth. In time.