Out of great silence.

So, I return.

It has been a month and a half since I originally began the vow of silence. In my second week of silence, I began to feel under the weather, particularly in the throat, which was extremely sore. I also began to notice lumps protruding on my neck, one on the left side and the other just below my right jaw. I visited a doctor, who guessed that I had a throat infection, but could not be sure what it was. I was prescribed antibiotics for the weekend, and told to come back. Over the weekend, my throat only grew worse. Unable to get anything done, I decided to break the silence.

I was eventually diagnosed with mono, which, being a viral infection, is naturally not affected by antibiotics, and explains my worsening over the weekend. I was prescribed steroids, and began to improve immediately. However, I was still far under the weather, so I continued to speak. The talking went on for two weeks, as a matter of convenience, to coincide with a variety of plans that were occurring at the time. Then I resumed the silence, two weeks late.

As I realized, I probably brought that sickness upon myself. During the weeks of my silence, I pushed myself hard in the gym, trying to extend my limits. As a result, my immune system was likely weakened, and so I became sick. But of course, that would mean that I had been carrying mono for quite some time. Looking back, I realized that this was probably true, I had been unnecessarily tired for quite some time, and had been used to taking naps in the afternoon to remedy this. Now that I am over it, however, I am much improved, and no longer need these rests.

Another matter is how I originally got it. Obvious choice would be one of the women that I got intimate with. There were four of them, and the timing of my fatigue means that it could have been any of them. This, I suppose, is what I get for my promiscuity.

In other news, I have also begun playing world of warcraft again, after my original break to begin writing my book. This, of course, was done during my week of sickness, when I needed something to do because I could not truly concentrate on work. I then joined an excellent guild, and have been making progress since.

Of course, this meant that my last two weeks were less productive than my first two. This was not due to rampant and unnecessary playing of the game, but rather due to raiding schedules. My new guild raids three times a week, from 10pm-2am, prime hours for writing. While this is obviously not all the week, it is enough to put a significant dent in my writing times. Still, I worked to the best of my ability, and got things done. Which brings me to the nature of my silence itself.

The silence was simultaneously the most difficult and easiest thing that I have ever done. Completely rejecting people was at the same time exhilarating and saddening. While there were many things I missed, there were others I did not. I would like to say that they balanced out, and silence was no better than non-silence, but that would be a lie. There is a certain type of existence that man leads, free from the will of the mob, which is greater and more glorious. Whatever it is, I valued it more than anything else that they could have given me, had I spoken.

One of my goals, the advancement of my writing, was a huge success. I put many hours into writing, and produced perhaps 150-200 pages of various works, over the course of a month. During the time, I discovered that one published author, who dedicates himself to longer novels, produces in a year what I would produce in six months by the same schedule. There was also the amount that I read; I completed two of Nietzsche's works in the same period.

This is on top of the amount of exercise I committed myself to. In the first half, this was two hours a day. In the second, when I was supposed to be careful in order to prevent rupturing my weakened spleen, this sank to one, but I am prepared to begin ramping this up again, slowly, and soon. On top of both of these things, of course, was the amount of things I accomplished in World of Warcraft, which were numerous.

In essence, the silence was extremely profitable. Even better than this, however, was the way that I felt. There was a certain feeling, a certain sense of self-assurance that I carried during the time that I was separated from others, that i admire. Better, my mind was focused and generally deeper, able to commit itself to stronger and more beautiful tasks. Silence is not simply a state of body, it is a state of mind.

Overall, I enjoyed the experience supremely. I would do it again, and I will. I will not tell anyone else, but I plan top do this again, and again. Perhaps a single month out of every year, this would be a good plan. I feel that it would greatly suffice.

There is only one other thing, however, that must be mentioned. This is that I was not truly separated from the people, as I tried to make myself. Everywhere I went, society still followed me. No matter what I did, the temptation to talk still presented itself to my face. Worst was the cafeteria, where I was forced to find a corner and avoid all friends and acquaintances without discretion. When I returned to my room, I was not alone, my friends were still there, hanging out, talking to me if even if I would not talk back. In short, I did not really accomplish my goal. I blame this for any failure in my silence, in the accomplishment of my goals. In order to do it again, I must seek to truly separate myself, to make myself independent and disconnected, in order to truly achieve my goals. In this college environment, I cannot.

Naturally, there are other things to be said. But for now, it has been too long. I must return to my life, I must go back to my world. I still have things to do, and I cannot be bothered to reflect more on my silence for now. And, of course, if anyone else was reading this, then they would not have ever made it this far, before getting bored. There are still things to achieve, there is still a world to conquer. I cannot ever stop.