I visited Chicago last weekend, for the first time in my life. It is also, I think, the only time I have visited a large city in recent memory. It was a lot smaller than I expected.
Admittedly, there are skyscrapers, and huge streets, and everything is about eight time more complicated than most of the cities I spend my time in. But I like it. I like large cities, I feel at home. I wasn't made for small cities, can't be happy in them. I enjoy things that are grand and massive, things that are greater than normal, things that are exceptional, or the best of their kind. For this reason, I loved Chicago.
I loved feeling like nothing, loved having to push my way through crowds and struggling just to find any sort of store or restaurant. I loved every minute of it. It's when you push yourself up against walls that are greater than you that you make yourself stronger. You don't get stronger by lifting the same amount of weight, you get stronger from lifting more. That may seem really obvious, but I need to point out that it applies not only to strength, but to other things as well.\
There is something to be said for bigger cities. They are better, encourage men to live a grander and more exceptional lifestyle. Why shouldn't I want to live in a large city?
One day, I thought as I looked up at the buildings of Chicago, I'm going to make it bigger. I'm going to own it all, I'm going to be able to look down from such great heights. One day, I'm going 'to rule the world. It isn't a claim, it's the truth.
There was only one problem that I had with Chicago. I spent my time looking around, examining, watching the beauty. I looked over the grand buildings, and over the river, and over the way things were placed together and they seemed to fit in my mind, and over everything else. And I thought, it's not enough. Chicago is too small.
Let's hope it stays that way.
11.27.2008
11.21.2008
College, pt.2.
Well, my fall semester in college is soon coming to a close. In a short week, I will be having finals, and after that I will be on break until after new years. It has been an odd experience, I can assure you.
I am not nearly so hostile to my school as I was a few months ago. I have had time to adjust, time to understand things better. People are no longer ridiculously friendly, they have settled down and no longer have to be. When any man has all his friends taken away from him, he will desperately grasp at anyone nearby who is suitable. But when he finds friends, then he can stop grasping. That about summarize the social life here; after several weeks of overly-friendliness, everyone calmed down and everything went back to normal.
My identity class did eventually have something to do with identity, although it was never as good as I wanted it to be. My ethics teacher did prove intelligent in some ways, although I know now that she is simply not a good teacher, and I am forced to accept that. My acting class is no longer the best, it has fallen into its own flaws over the course of the... course. Essentially, everything has gotten into the process of averaging itself out, of evening out the kinks. Nothing is exceptional, but then, why should I expect that of ordinary people? At least, they can afford to give me mediocrity consistently. That is something in itself.
I came to college expecting to be taught things. I have made it into a moderately expensive and intelligent college, therefore I expected teachers to be at least somewhat wise, somewhat able to demonstrate intelligence. I was wrong. College has taught me to learn, but certainly not through classes. Instead, I realize, I have learned through everything in between. While I didn't necessarily learn anything in class, classes inspired me to learn, inspired me to achieve and accomplish.
College has inspired me to write. I am writing an average of three or four pages of novels a day now. I enjoy this. I work out daily, have maintained a wonderful diet and physique. College has helped me to grow better in every way, but it wasn't because of the classes. It was, I think, because of the freedom. College has taught me by proxy, hasn't taught me anything but has created an atmosphere where I can teach myself things.
Perhaps it isn't the best, but I'll accept it, for now. The world isn't perfect... yet.
I am not nearly so hostile to my school as I was a few months ago. I have had time to adjust, time to understand things better. People are no longer ridiculously friendly, they have settled down and no longer have to be. When any man has all his friends taken away from him, he will desperately grasp at anyone nearby who is suitable. But when he finds friends, then he can stop grasping. That about summarize the social life here; after several weeks of overly-friendliness, everyone calmed down and everything went back to normal.
My identity class did eventually have something to do with identity, although it was never as good as I wanted it to be. My ethics teacher did prove intelligent in some ways, although I know now that she is simply not a good teacher, and I am forced to accept that. My acting class is no longer the best, it has fallen into its own flaws over the course of the... course. Essentially, everything has gotten into the process of averaging itself out, of evening out the kinks. Nothing is exceptional, but then, why should I expect that of ordinary people? At least, they can afford to give me mediocrity consistently. That is something in itself.
I came to college expecting to be taught things. I have made it into a moderately expensive and intelligent college, therefore I expected teachers to be at least somewhat wise, somewhat able to demonstrate intelligence. I was wrong. College has taught me to learn, but certainly not through classes. Instead, I realize, I have learned through everything in between. While I didn't necessarily learn anything in class, classes inspired me to learn, inspired me to achieve and accomplish.
College has inspired me to write. I am writing an average of three or four pages of novels a day now. I enjoy this. I work out daily, have maintained a wonderful diet and physique. College has helped me to grow better in every way, but it wasn't because of the classes. It was, I think, because of the freedom. College has taught me by proxy, hasn't taught me anything but has created an atmosphere where I can teach myself things.
Perhaps it isn't the best, but I'll accept it, for now. The world isn't perfect... yet.
11.16.2008
Vampires, Metaphorically.
A strange state of being has come over me recently, one that I am not totally unaware of. I've had this feeling many times before in my life, although at those times I had no clue what to call it, how to think of it. It wasn't until my best friend began to have the same transformation, at the same time, that we had any idea what to call it. We are vampires.
I eat little, I sleep little, I spend long hours indoors and especially in the dark hours of the night. My emotions are dead, I feel nothing except a sense of purpose that I work towards. I have gotten more writing done than I have in the whole time I've been here at this college. At the same time, I work out insane amounts, dangerous amounts. Sex is different, harder, and yet I seek it like a man in the desert seeks water. My mind is crystal clear, I think better than I ever have before, and yet at the same time I know that it is clouded, that there is something deathly wrong with me, no matter how much I like it.
In the end, I am still a man, but I have come into contact with something that is not man, something inside myself that is better in many ways and yet worse in many others. I have come into touch with the part of the man that is a beast, have come into touch with the darker and more primitive feelings that men generally lock away. I have come into touch with my beast, and that makes me a vampire.
When you strip away all the religious undertones that generally don't have any place in modern vampire myths anyway, these are the basic traits of any vampire. They are faster, stronger, more beautiful, and yet less human. They do not sleep, and they spend all their time in the dark. How is this any different than what I am doing right now? Perhaps it is a bit of a stretch, but I would like to think that, right now, I am becoming a vampire. It explains me perfectly, both my weaknesses and perfections.
Perhaps it is true that I am not actually a vampire, but that means nothing. The human mind is what creates reality, is what defines our lives. It is the human mind which imbues anything with meaning and purpose. And I choose to imbue myself with the image of the vampire. I wonder when I'll come back to earth as a regular human being.
I eat little, I sleep little, I spend long hours indoors and especially in the dark hours of the night. My emotions are dead, I feel nothing except a sense of purpose that I work towards. I have gotten more writing done than I have in the whole time I've been here at this college. At the same time, I work out insane amounts, dangerous amounts. Sex is different, harder, and yet I seek it like a man in the desert seeks water. My mind is crystal clear, I think better than I ever have before, and yet at the same time I know that it is clouded, that there is something deathly wrong with me, no matter how much I like it.
In the end, I am still a man, but I have come into contact with something that is not man, something inside myself that is better in many ways and yet worse in many others. I have come into touch with the part of the man that is a beast, have come into touch with the darker and more primitive feelings that men generally lock away. I have come into touch with my beast, and that makes me a vampire.
When you strip away all the religious undertones that generally don't have any place in modern vampire myths anyway, these are the basic traits of any vampire. They are faster, stronger, more beautiful, and yet less human. They do not sleep, and they spend all their time in the dark. How is this any different than what I am doing right now? Perhaps it is a bit of a stretch, but I would like to think that, right now, I am becoming a vampire. It explains me perfectly, both my weaknesses and perfections.
Perhaps it is true that I am not actually a vampire, but that means nothing. The human mind is what creates reality, is what defines our lives. It is the human mind which imbues anything with meaning and purpose. And I choose to imbue myself with the image of the vampire. I wonder when I'll come back to earth as a regular human being.
11.07.2008
The form of our government.
As it turns out, Obama has won the recent U.S. election, and has done so by a landslide. I predicted it, strange as it may sound. Nearly a year and a half ago, long before the candidates had been finalized for each party, and all those democrats and republicans had to fight with each other first, my aunt asked me who I thought would win. I answered Obama. I was right.
It's not that Obama has much of anything going for him. I do respect that he has won the title as a man of color, which obviously has not happened before now in the history of the U.S., but frankly, it doesn't mean anything. Racism is not abolished by putting a black man in charge, racism is abolished by it not mattering that a black man is in charge any more than if a white one was. Obama hasn't broken great racial barriers, but I suppose he has helped us make progress.
The other thing that annoys me terribly, is that everyone is so enthusiastic, especially about his mantra of change. Change? Not going to happen. If there is one thing that you can count on from the American government, it is that it moves slowly. Nothing ever happens fast, its part of the democratic process. So when Obama says he's for change, I scoff. Nothing will probably happen until next presidential term, if even then. Everyone seems so happy that he's won, as if its something grand and new. The common man will probably never see much of any change in his life. Things are just going to go back to the way that they normally have, and in maybe a few years something will happen.
The problem with the whole democratic system, as I see it, lies in two separate places. The first is that the majority is stupid, the second is that it takes awhile to get the majority to agree on anything.
The majority is never the best way to choose a leader. The majority of any country is comprised of the average, the usual. A majority is made up of all the people of average intelligence, who can only make averagely intelligent decisions about their leaders. The minorities are the greatly intelligent, who really should be choosing these leaders, but also the greatly stupid, who shouldn't. Unfortunately, as the way things go, these two minorities usually balance out, meaning that for the most part the majority is on its own. And a majority can never consistently choose good leaders.
Perhaps there is the luck of the draw, perhaps occasionally the public is granted a spark of wisdom, and they choose a great leader. But perhaps they are also sometimes struck dumb, and they choose a terrible one. It is something like a pendulum, that stays on one side or the other, but is always in the middle.
For these reasons, presidential candidates, and even presidents, are rarely effective material. They are inneffectual material, unable to overcome their boundaries and cause great good to mankind. This is my gripe with such a government, and the reason why I wish to become world dictator. I know that I would be a good leader, but I also know that no public would elect me, because I am a good leader. Sometimes things must be done that go against public opinion in order to save the public, but the public will never realize this.
In a dictatorship, one man is given ultimate authority. This can be either the worst idea, or the best, depending on the quality of the man chosen to rule. Men like I, unwavering, strong, and dedicated to good, will do the greatest good. Men like Hitler will do the greatest evil. This is why I cannot accept democracy, I am a man who only accepts the best. And democracy can never turn out the best leaders, only the ones the public likes the most.
The other gripe I have with democracy, as I have noted, is that it takes too long. Checks and balances prevent evil, but they also prevent good. The public takes a while to make decisions, and when men of good intentions actually do reach office, they find that they are restricted from doing what they wish, and must move slowly. This is another problem that would be remedied if I ever managed to be the dictator. There is no check on absolute power to one individual, he does not have to fight the masses in order to save them.
In short, I did not vote this tuesday. People are surprised when I tell them that I wanted Obama to win, but refused to vote for him. Obama is the man I expected the public to choose, the average leader who deserves to be president under this system. But that does not mean that I have to accept the system. That does not mean that I have to accept mediocrity. I didn't vote, not because I didn't have a say, but rather because my say was too big for this, was too strange and unusual. And that is the way democracy works, isn't it?
It's not that Obama has much of anything going for him. I do respect that he has won the title as a man of color, which obviously has not happened before now in the history of the U.S., but frankly, it doesn't mean anything. Racism is not abolished by putting a black man in charge, racism is abolished by it not mattering that a black man is in charge any more than if a white one was. Obama hasn't broken great racial barriers, but I suppose he has helped us make progress.
The other thing that annoys me terribly, is that everyone is so enthusiastic, especially about his mantra of change. Change? Not going to happen. If there is one thing that you can count on from the American government, it is that it moves slowly. Nothing ever happens fast, its part of the democratic process. So when Obama says he's for change, I scoff. Nothing will probably happen until next presidential term, if even then. Everyone seems so happy that he's won, as if its something grand and new. The common man will probably never see much of any change in his life. Things are just going to go back to the way that they normally have, and in maybe a few years something will happen.
The problem with the whole democratic system, as I see it, lies in two separate places. The first is that the majority is stupid, the second is that it takes awhile to get the majority to agree on anything.
The majority is never the best way to choose a leader. The majority of any country is comprised of the average, the usual. A majority is made up of all the people of average intelligence, who can only make averagely intelligent decisions about their leaders. The minorities are the greatly intelligent, who really should be choosing these leaders, but also the greatly stupid, who shouldn't. Unfortunately, as the way things go, these two minorities usually balance out, meaning that for the most part the majority is on its own. And a majority can never consistently choose good leaders.
Perhaps there is the luck of the draw, perhaps occasionally the public is granted a spark of wisdom, and they choose a great leader. But perhaps they are also sometimes struck dumb, and they choose a terrible one. It is something like a pendulum, that stays on one side or the other, but is always in the middle.
For these reasons, presidential candidates, and even presidents, are rarely effective material. They are inneffectual material, unable to overcome their boundaries and cause great good to mankind. This is my gripe with such a government, and the reason why I wish to become world dictator. I know that I would be a good leader, but I also know that no public would elect me, because I am a good leader. Sometimes things must be done that go against public opinion in order to save the public, but the public will never realize this.
In a dictatorship, one man is given ultimate authority. This can be either the worst idea, or the best, depending on the quality of the man chosen to rule. Men like I, unwavering, strong, and dedicated to good, will do the greatest good. Men like Hitler will do the greatest evil. This is why I cannot accept democracy, I am a man who only accepts the best. And democracy can never turn out the best leaders, only the ones the public likes the most.
The other gripe I have with democracy, as I have noted, is that it takes too long. Checks and balances prevent evil, but they also prevent good. The public takes a while to make decisions, and when men of good intentions actually do reach office, they find that they are restricted from doing what they wish, and must move slowly. This is another problem that would be remedied if I ever managed to be the dictator. There is no check on absolute power to one individual, he does not have to fight the masses in order to save them.
In short, I did not vote this tuesday. People are surprised when I tell them that I wanted Obama to win, but refused to vote for him. Obama is the man I expected the public to choose, the average leader who deserves to be president under this system. But that does not mean that I have to accept the system. That does not mean that I have to accept mediocrity. I didn't vote, not because I didn't have a say, but rather because my say was too big for this, was too strange and unusual. And that is the way democracy works, isn't it?
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