I haven't written anything here in the last month. Naturally, I've been quite overwhelmed by school, and haven't had the time to properly think and put down my thoughts. I've taken on a heavier workload, including a philosophy class not taught by an idiot, and a french class which requires massive amounts of work, as I have not studied French in several years.
Here I am, a month later, and things have only barely begun to settle down. I spend much more of my time working this year, and so far I am enjoying it. On the other hand, what with seeing old friends and socializing as I want, I have very little time to keep writing, or work on any of the other numerous goals in my life.
My laptop also very recently broke down, preventing me from both amusing myself and from working seriously on any kind of writing. I have had to quit world of warcraft for the time being, but at the same time I have been prevented from having constant access from numerous and useless tiny web games that I mostly used to eat up time. Worse, my attempts to continue writing on the school computers have been rebuffed by a sudden failure of my flash drive and all sorts of god-knows-what. But I am still trying.
It has become obvious to me that I must have another month of silence this year. I also feel that this one will be far more productive, mostly because this year I have a room of my own. Last year, I had nowhere to retreat to if I wished to be alone and my friends were spending time with my roommate. This year, I can be alone as often as I wish. I don't intend to do it this early on in the year, but it will happen, and it is something that I need to think about.
I also want to return to my point that my philosophy teacher this year is far better than the one I had for the last few classes. The woman that I had before was an educational communist, in the worst and most literal sense. She would tell the class to read something, and then perhaps five of the class would. Only two of those five would understand it. then, on the day that it comes time to discuss this reading, she would offer no help of her own, but rather conduct a public forum run essentially by kids who hadn't read the material, and a handful that had. Those that had read the material shared it with the class, who then expounded on it with terrifying unintelligence, for no one had told them what any of what they had read or tried to read meant, and everyone got an A for the most minor effort, except for the people who had tried, who got an A for wasted effort. This isn't teaching, this is the kind of idiocy that one can find on any street corner. I am shocked I paid money to go to this class.
Essentially, the woman did not attempt to help us understand anything. At the end of the day, we had read many things, but none of us comprehended anything, and I'm sure she didn't either. How she got the job, I have no clue.
Yet, my teacher this time is far better. He understands the material, and spends the class time explaining it to the students. Some don't read, but they are actually disadvantaged by it. Some understand it and bother to read, and they are rewarded. At the end of the day, we have learned something of the intention behind the material we absorbed, the class is challenging, and I go home happy. This is teaching, and this man I respect.
As such, I have been absorbing and understanding the great thinkers at a far better rate. My own philosophies and ideals have come into examination, and have evolved. The picture of what I intend to do with my philosophy has become clearer, and more refined. I no longer fear that my philosophical works will be ignored, because I know that they represent an intelligent and new look on things. I have removed the bits of idiocy and redundancy, and produced a cohesive vision. I only need to write it, and I will be done.
However, there is one thing that I am less thrilled by. My physical training has waned, as has my drive for sex. As I focus more on the mind, I have become unbalanced, and I am beginning to turn away from the pleasures and fruits of the body. I no longer go to the gym everyday, and I am becoming less and less driven to pleasure with my girlfriend. Yet, at the same time, I have no wish to hurt her or myself, so I wish to overcome this temporary hurdle. Hopefully, I can work through this, in order to maintain a greater level of happiness. But then, we shall see.
