Long absence...

Followed by a prodigious return.

I am taking the blog in a new direction. I do not want this blog to be absolute and utter shit.

Enjoyed reading my blogs? Of course you haven't. I won't lie to myself. No one has bothered to read this blog since my last blog. No one ever bothered to read it. Which is because they were shit.

I started off thinking that I must be angry, that the only way I could express myself was through my anger. But my anger is not unique. My anger is not witty. And after a while, my anger could not even sustain itself.

I did not write any blogs for the longest time, not because I did not want to, but rather because I couldn't find anything to rant about. I am not a bitter and hateful person by default. I don't ever want to be. I don't want anyone to be. And because I am not, I eventually ran out of things to write about. It didn't take very long. It seems that there aren't very many things in my life that I do hate. I don't like to think of myself as an extremely emotional person.

I am taking this blog in a new direction. I am not bitter, I am not hateful. I am simply determined. I wish to be the most famous man in the world, no matter what I have to do, no matter what actions I have to take. I will do anything to prove that I am not simply a zombie, that the herd can go fuck itself and then start following me like dogs.

I am writing this blog, because my life is changing. At this moment, it is a few short days before I move into college and my life takes a complete U-turn. everything I know will be different. I will be living on my own, and fending for myself. It will be the greatest opportunity in my life, the greatest chance that I have to grow above and beyond, and to flourish.

I have spent the past few weeks alone. Every friend of mine began college long before me, and I was left alone in my house, unable to work because the caddying season is over, unable to get a new job because I am shortly relocating, and unable to effectively use the time for writing because I am not yet the man I need to be in order to create the book that I want to create. I have wasted this week, essentially, playing World of Warcraft, and watching television. The only plus side is that I have managed to maintain a good gym schedule, and such have managed to keep in shape.

This week has been even more terrible, in some ways, because the girl I love has chosen another. It was something that I knew was coming, but that I still dreaded and has hurt more than I had planned. When I met her, she made me decide to do what I do now, to want to be important and extraordinary, and yet sadly, she remains as ordinary as can be. Depression hurts, and I know she feels it most of all. From the moment I met her, she chose people to bestow her affections on, not because of true feeling, but because they were capable of suppressing her symptoms. Through her whole life, I think, she has chosen similarly. As a result, she has gone through two boyfriends whom I am sure she felt almost nothing for, and regretted afterwards. Recently, she broke up with one of them, giving me a mild hope that I could earn my way into her life again. Of course, she went away to college, and then chose another man.

This one, of course, is far better than the last one. Of this one, I approve. The only problem is, that if he is better for her, he is worse for me. I try not to think of this. I try to think only of her good. Sometimes it is hard.

Tomorrow, I must begin to pack up, prepare to leave my old life behind. I must prepare to begin anew, to prove my worth as a person, and to begin to pursue the life that I want. It will be difficult, but if it wasn't, then I wouldn't like it anyway.

One day, I will have everything I want. I want to be the most famous man on the Earth. In time.