Impasse.

I have reached an interesting point in my life.

When you go to a theater, or a crowded area, or some sort of show, you should take a look around you while the performance is going on. Every person in the audience has the same look, a blank stare, as if they are waiting for something, passing their time. I despise this look. This look contains no intellect, no idea. This look is the look of the herd, of the sheep, of the cows led to the slaughter. This is the look of abject and pure selflessness, to be totally absorbed in another. This should not exist.

But worse is when this look does not simply stay in the theater. Worse are the people who look like this and act like this all the time. They wander aimlessly, waiting to be led. It is subtle, and harder to notice, but the same look can be seen. These people have no concept of self, no will to be. Naturally then, I do not like to interact with these people. It is like the way noblemen would not look upon their servants and peasants. In some ways, they were justified, because no peasant picked up a knife and stabbed his nobleman for not looking at him. The peasant made no effort to change things. He may have claimed to reject it, but he enjoyed being exploited and led.

You can imagine my disappointment to discover this look in several of my friends. I knew it already, although I could not put my finger on it. Of my seven friends, only roughly three ever propose things for us to do. The rest simply follow aimlessly, not bothering to think for themselves. I do not like this. But I am glad, because something special has happened.

I have made another set of friends. This is not a set of friends to be led, but a set to lead. These friends are active, rather than passive, and they are the kind of people I enjoy being around. In the short time that I have been friends with these people, I have opened up more to them than to the rest of my friends combined. This is a wonderful development. My life is taking turns upwards.

Other than this, my life has been much the same as it always has. I have endured the usual amount of stupidity and arrogance, and everything in between. The only thing that is missing is the girl that I am enamored of. Because of my close relation to my new friends, I have had little time to think of her, and that does not really please me. I must make some effort to reconnect with her, sometime soon. Until then, I am not able to achieve the things I want to achieve.

Until then, I have reached an impasse.